Restart Story

Rattle of the bars, hot spit on cold floor, disinfectant reek, overflowing toilets. The [[skylight]] is frosted opaque and dark with birds. Your [[Cell]] is up ahead.
<<print $gameover>>\n\n[[RESPAWN|hub]]
<<if $cop eq 1>>//The Cop's pixelated muscles are still here. Shit.//\n\nYou did a bad thing...a Cop came...images of violence and terror flash across your eyeballs...can you escape this horrifying cycle? Is it even possible?\n\n[[Grab the gun and fire|*bullet the Cop*]]\n\n[[Grab the gun and kill yourself|suicide]]\n\n[[Charge the window with your gorgeous executive body and smash through the glass and feel the drapes caress your suited form as you soar to the asphalt below|window]]<<else>>Burgundy carpet. Monogrammed wallpaper. Spotless windows frame the sprawling cityscape. The [[Embezzlertron]] is behind your [[desk]].\n\nThe [[Control Room entrance|control room]] is behind your secret bookshelf.\n\nThe exit is outside your office and down the [[elevator|elevator down]].<<endif>>
The Cops look suspicious!\n\nThe Cops sniff you!\n\nThe Cops hiss at you!\n\nThey grapple your body and drag you to the [[Station]]!
You finger a business card from your luxurious collection:\n\n<<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 6)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Liquid Flensed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Brushed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Laser-Etched<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Biomechanical<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Mottled<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Nano-Woven<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Bleached<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Ivory<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Obsidian<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Gold Leaf<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Denim<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Abalone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Neon<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Sandstone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Emerald<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Diamond<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Chrome<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Leather<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Fossil<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Steel<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Eggshell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Seashell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Ambergris<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Crystal<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Graphite<<endif>>\n\n<<replace "Ahh.">>Simply divine.\n\n[[Back|office]]<<endreplace>>\n\n
<<replace ".">><<replace ". .">>[[. . .|it is done]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<set $difficulty = $difficulty + 1>><<if $difficulty eq 5>><<set $difficulty = 1>><<endif>>[[DIFFICULTY]]\n<<if $difficulty eq 1>><<set $challenge = "NORMAL">>EASY\n''[NORMAL]''\nHARD\nNIGHTMARE\n<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 2>><<set $challenge = "HARD">>EASY\nNORMAL\n''[HARD]''\nNIGHTMARE<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 3>><<set $challenge = "NIGHTMARE">>EASY\nNORMAL\nHARD\n''[NIGHTMARE]''<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 4>><<set $challenge = "EASY">>''[EASY]''\nNORMAL\nHARD\nNIGHTMARE<<endif>>\n\n<<if $challenge eq "NORMAL">>Enemies have regular HP. Bee AI set to Realistic.<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "HARD">>Enemies have 1.5x HP. Bee AI set to Erratic.<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "NIGHTMARE">>Enemies have 2x HP. Bee AI set to Hell Mode. <<endif>><<if $challenge eq "EASY">>Enemies have 1/2 HP. Bee AI set to Nice.<<endif>>\n\n[[BACK|hub]]\n<<set $optionsvisited = 1>>
The Station is massive, a smoking monolith. Cops disgorge themselves from pipes and flow into the City.\n\nThe Cop takes you to Booking. The materials in this environment are Stainless Steel, Glass, Fabric, and Concrete.\n\n[[Time passes. Sweat sogs up your pits.]]\n\n<<if $AttunedGlass eq 1>>[[Explode all the glass.]]<<endif>> <<if $AttunedCurtains eq 1>>[[Destroy all fabric in this zone.]]<<endif>>
He yells "Shut up, Flapflap."\n\n[[I'm not Flapflap, there's been a big mistake!|FLAPFLAP?]]\n\n[[WHO THE FUCK IS FLAPFLAP|FLAPFLAP?]]
//Those endless early days of lying on the floor of their bedroom, wrapped in blankets, head in the closet, smelling her shoes and his boots, cozy in the mess of their grown-up clothes, falling asleep to the sound of the air conditioner.\n\nThe sunlight had a pure quality back then. Impossibly golden.\n\nYou don't know why they started hitting you. It just <<replace "happened.">>happened.\n\nNo one has to explain themselves to a <<replace "child.">>child.//\n\nYou don't go in there [[anymore]].<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
Hello, <<print $name>>.\n\nYou are a prominent business<<print $gender>> in the money business.\n\n[[Good luck.|hub]]<<if $difficult eq 0>><<set $hate = "EASY">><<endif>>
What the hell?\n\nThis is birdseed! Nothing on this plate but damn birdseed!\n\n[[HEYYYYY]]
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//You remember looking up Subterranean Trash Zone II on the internet. People say you can see a girl's pussy there.\n\nYou spent a lot of time just reading those words.//\n\n[[Back|hub]]
<<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>><<if $rand eq 1>>You have died during character creation.\n\nPlease try again.\n\n[[RESTART|MAINMENU]]<<else>><<silently>>\n<<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 2)>>\n <<if $rand eq 0>>\n <<set $gender = "woman">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 1>>\n <<set $gender = "man">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 2>>\n <<set $gender = "replicant">>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $gender eq "woman">>\n <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n <<if $rand eq 0>>\n <<set $name = "Alexus Steel">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 1>>\n <<set $name = "Electrum Comessa">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 2>>\n <<set $name = "Indra Anvil">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 3>>\n <<set $name = "Olivia Heat Death">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 4>>\n <<set $name = "Lana Ulterior">>\n <<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $gender eq "man">>\n <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n <<if $rand eq 0>>\n <<set $name = "Eggsquad LeMorgan">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 1>>\n <<set $name = "Testosterone Bill">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 2>>\n <<set $name = "Buster Almondmind">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 3>>\n <<set $name = "Kaching Claremont">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 4>>\n <<set $name = "Jacoby 'Wildcat' Jones">>\n <<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $gender eq "replicant">>\n <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n <<if $rand eq 0>>\n <<set $name = "Money Machine">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 1>>\n <<set $name = "Mammon Mark II">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 2>>\n <<set $name = "Violator Crescendo">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 3>>\n <<set $name = "Cash Viper">>\n <<endif>>\n <<if $rand eq 4>>\n <<set $name = "Dollar Drone Sloane">>\n <<endif>>\n<<endif>><<endsilently>>\n<html><h3>CHARACTER INFO</h3></html>\nNAME: <<print $name>>\n\nSIGNATURE BUSINESS CARD: <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 6)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Liquid Flensed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Brushed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Laser-Etched<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Biomechanical<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Mottled<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Nano-Woven<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Bleached<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Ivory<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Obsidian<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Gold Leaf<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Denim<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Abalone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Neon<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Sandstone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Emerald<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Diamond<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Chrome<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Leather<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Fossil<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Steel<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Eggshell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Seashell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Ambergris<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Crystal<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Graphite<<endif>>\n\nGENDER: <<if $gender eq "woman">><<print "WOMAN">><<endif>><<if $gender eq "man">><<print "MAN">><<endif>><<if $gender eq "replicant">><<print "REPLICANT">><<endif>>\n\nDIFFICULTY: <<print $challenge>>\n\n\n[[GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD]]<<endif>>
There is nothing particularly interesting about death.\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "AUTO-DEFENESTRATED">>
//One of your earliest memories is being stung by a bee and sitting by the sink holding your arm under the cold water.\n\nAt the time it was the worst pain you could imagine.//\n\nThe Bee Gate is a pair of bulbous pillars striped yellow and black, set in a riveted foundation of metallic golden honeycomb.\n\nThey say bees hang out here.\n\n[[Back|down]]
CONGRATULATIONS <<print $name>>\n\nNUMBER ONE CEO\n\nPLEASE TRY OUR OTHER BUSINESS TYCOON GAMES\n\n//People are [[yelling]] in your parent's bedroom.//\n
Interface with glass shards? Outcome: Unpredictable | Timestream ramification: 0-100% [[OK|intglass]]\n\nInterface with curtains? Outcome: Acceptable | Timestream ramification: 73.5% [[OK|intcurtains]]\n\nInterface with falling to death? Outcome: Terminal | Timestream ramification: 100% [[OK|intconcrete]]
//"...a friend's house." She stares at her feet.\n\n[[I need to beat this game.|beat]]\n\n[[I'm tired...|tired]]//
The Cop crawls up through the jungle of skyscrapers, horrendous mirrored images of bloody chewed up muscle flesh reflecting from every window. You can barely tell which is the real Cop, and which is illusory...\n\nYou fire wildly in this house of mirrors, shattering fake after fake Cop. You feel warm muscular breath on the nape of your neck...\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "THE COP HAS YOU">>
//You can't find any way out of this prison.\n\nYou// [[keep]] //playing.//
ULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON III
This robo-chest coos softly when you open it. What beautiful craftsmanship, all covered in galaxy enamel and space silk. You want to curl up inside it and shut the lid, but...maybe another day.\n\n[[Back|inv]]
//"It's frustrating, you die all the time for no reason. And it's a buggy piece of shit."\n\nShe rubs her face.\n\n"You, uh, wanna do anything? I was going somewhere soon, so maybe we should, hang out or something."\n\n[[I need to beat this game.|beat]]\n\n[[Where you going?|going]]\n\n[[I'm tired...|tired]]//
Skin and blood forms a network with the glass shards. The Cop grapples you back into the room.\n\nYou are now Arrested. Your bloodstream is now 23 percent Glass Shard. You have now Attuned to Glass Shards.\n\nThe Cop is taking you back to the [[Station]].\n\n<<set $Arrested = 1>> \n\n<<set $AttunedGlass = 1>>
<<set $song = $song + 1>><<if $song lte 10>>[[SING|song]]<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 0>>\nOh trash\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 1>>\noh trash\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 2>>\npungent panorama\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 3>>\nreeking horizon\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 4>>\ntogether we travel\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 5>>\nwhere oh we don't know where!\n\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 6>>\nYou and me\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 7>>\ntrash can't you see\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 8>>\nwe were meant to be!\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 9>>\nto beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!\n<<endif>>\n<<if $song gt 10>>\n\n//As soon as you touch the horizon, the ocean screeches and jagged pulsating squares flood the screen.//\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "fatal error: error 0xFFFFFFFF">><<endif>><<set $trash_end = 1>><<if $prison_end eq 1>><<set $decompose = 1>><<endif>>
The door hatch opens and a plate of food slides through.\n\n[[FINALLY]]
<<if $gender eq "man">>The Cop comes and takes you to Processing. The Nurse enters the room. The Nurse shaves your chest. The Nurse shaves your face. The Nurse shaves your genitals. The Nurse shaves your ass. The Nurse shaves your arms. The Nurse shaves your legs. The [[Nurse]] sprays you down with cold water.<<endif>><<if $gender eq "woman">>The Cop comes and takes you to Processing. The Nurse enters the room. The Nurse shaves your belly. The Nurse shaves your genitals. The Nurse shaves your ass. The Nurse shaves your arms. The Nurse shaves your legs. The [[Nurse]] sprays you down with cold water.<<endif>><<if $gender eq "replicant">>The Cop comes and takes you to Processing. The Nurse enters the room. The Nurse scrubs your tertiary core. The Nurse scrubs your secondary core. The Nurse scrubs your bio-sockets. The Nurse scrubs your artifice glands. The [[Nurse]] scrubs your verisimilitude node.<<endif>>
<html><h3>WORLD GEN PARAMETERS</h3></html>\n[CITY]\nROMAN (Deluxe Edition Only)\nARCOLOGY OF TERROR (Deluxe Edition Only)\nJURASSIC (Jurassic Edition Only)\nATLANTIS (Wet n' Wild Edition Only)\n\n[[ACCEPT|NEW GAME]]
You add a frond to your inventory. This is a calming activity.\n\n[[Back|oasis]]
"Teen thugs spraypaint the mayor..."\n\n"Drug addicts are breaking into people???s homes and polishing their library cards to a lustrous finish..."\n\n"Animals demand food..."\n\nHeadlines bleak as always. You shake your head at this fallen world.\n\n[[Sigh.|Cell]]<<set $cell -= 1>>
You enter the antechamber of the exochamber of the inner chamber's endoantechamber, a spacious dome bristling with security.\n\nWhat marvelous abalone accents, and those mobile attack turrets, wow, they must fire at least 2 pellets per second. Truly a fashionable firing rate, the latest in corporate fortress fashion.\n\nAn exoskeletoned security guard approaches, hand at their hipgun.\n\n<<if $gender eq "woman">>"Excuse me, ma'am. <<endif>><<if $gender eq "man">>"Excuse me, sir. <<endif>><<if $gender eq "replicant">>"Excuse me, honored replicant. <<endif>> No weapons allowed on the premises. You'll have to leave your firearm with us for safekeeping."\n\n[[Surrender the gun]]\n\n[[Shoot the guard in the face]]
//On the way you pass their [[bedroom]]. The door is slightly open. It's dark inside.//
<<if $vaulted eq 2>>[[Destroy the Bio-Gem with the weaponized potassium|destroy]]<<else>>Better loot the vaults before blowing this place up.<<endif>>\n\n[[Back|elevator]]\n\nThe Bio-Gem governs PorpCo in the absence of its mysterious CEOtrix. They say it was grown from her flesh, and is a perfect embodiment of her will.\n\n//This information, gleaned in tantalizing nuggets from the manual, was something you thought about at night.//
The Station windows shatter! The Cop's glass pacemaker shatters! The glass of water on the reception desk resists!\n\nYou are no longer Arrested. You are [[Fleeing]].
//You don't know what a pussy looks like. You wouldn't learn that you could apply those words to your own genitals until much later. Right now you've got nothing between your legs but a big blank space that you don't think about.//\n\nThe putrid smell of trash...\n\n//You see the red-black-orange palette that signals the beginning of Subterranean Trash Zone II.//\n\nA huge [[bootstrap]] lies torn in a trashheap. An abandoned [[robo-chest]] lies in the muck.\n\nBees swarm around the [[Bee Gate]] which leads to Underground Insect Zone XII.\n\nSubterranean Trash Zone II spirals downward.\n\n[[Return to the surface world|hub]]\n\n[[Enter the Bee Gate]]\n\n[[Delve deeper into Subterranean Trash Zone II|delve]]
You bob away on the [[coracle|behind]].\n\nPrismatic trash foam sprays across your bow, which on a coracle is probably its entire circumference. <<if $cop neq 3>>Police cars howl on the shore behind you.<<endif>>
Crate after crate of safety knives.\n\n<<if $knife eq 0>>[[Take safety knife|get knife]]\n\n[[Back|inv]]<<else>>[[Back|inv]]<<endif>>
GENDER: REPLICANT\n\nIS THIS CORRECT\n\n[[YES--PROCEED|NAME]]\n\n[[NO--ABORT|GENDER]]\n\n<<set $gender = "replicant">>
You leap for your desk, grab the gun, and roll across the floor firing wildly into the rippling flood of millipedal biceps. Blood spatters the walls!\n\nThe Cop [[screams and charges|approaching]]!\n\n
You crawl down through the hole in the street, treading across [[putrid sand|thisaway]].
//She scowls.\n\nThen she just looks tired.\n\n"You, uh, wanna do anything? I was going somewhere soon, so maybe we should, hang out or something."\n\n[[I need to beat this game.|beat]]\n\n[[Where you going?|going]]\n\n[[I'm tired...|tired]]//
Take prisoner <<print $name>> to [[processing|PROCESSING]], a robotic voice murmur-shouts over the loudspeaker.
<<if $chest1 eq 0>>This chrome ivory chest contains $100,000.\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 100000>><<set $vaulted += 1>>\n<<display "cash">><<set $chest1 = 1>><<else>>This chest is empty.<<endif>>\n\n[[Back|inv]]
BLAM BLAM BLAM\n\n"Mind if I share my bullet-point presentation with you?"\n\nSpent bullet casings litter the floor. Blood splashes onto the ceiling and drips all over your scalp! Blood splashes all over your pens!\n\n<<if $challenge eq "NIGHTMARE">> The Cop screams and your eardrums burst!<<else>>The Cop eats a filing cabinet!<<endif>>\n\n[[{RELOAD}]]
//She looks at you.\n\n"One day you'll wish you spent more time with me."\n\n[[Okay.]]//
The trash saint opens its eyelids to reveal black holes. Parasitic stalks extend from the sockets and probe your face.\n\nYour garbage brain is opened. You sense all trash in the city, a humid network of impossible power. You are becoming one with the trash.\n\n//Your avatar fades from existence.//\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "TRASHMERGING IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH CAPITALISM">>
You come to the trash beach of a garbage sea. A [[gurgull]] eyes you suspiciously. Orange-purple sludge laps at your feet.\n\nVarious [[trash cans]] stick from the sludge like pillars from aluminum ruins.\n\nA [[coracle]] is flipped over on the sand.\n\n<<if $cop neq 3>>//'Cop Cars In Pursuit' flashes across the screen in big red letters.//<<endif>>
//i just want you to know\n\ni've stopped tearing out my feathers//
<<set $skel = $skel + 1>>The [[Garbage Fortress]] looms high in the fume-shrouded trash peaks. Corrugated battlements are hung with the ragged [[banners]] of whatever faction is currently controlling it.\n\n<<if $skel eq 1>>Skelegroans are patrolling.<<endif>><<if $skel eq 2>>Skelegroans are inspecting the trash pipes.<<endif>><<if $skel eq 3>>Skelegroans are building war machines to assault the surface.<<endif>><<if $skel eq 4>>Skelegroans are playing hopscotch.<<endif>><<if $skel eq 5>>Skelegroans are gambling to pass the time.<<endif>><<if $skel eq 6>>Skelegroans are squabbling over rules!<<endif>><<if $skel eq 7>>Skelegroans have murdered each other!<<endif>>\n\nYou see a Gut Chest beyond the <<if $skel lt 8>>Skelegroans<<else>>remains of the Skelegroans.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $skel lte 7>>[[Wait|trash1]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $skel lt 7>>[[Fight Skelegroans]]<<else>>[[Open Gut Chest]]<<endif>>\n\n[[Return|delve]]
[[Trash Fish]] is swimming through trash.\n\n<<if $vase eq 0>>A [[priceless vase]] has fallen here from the surface world. It must have seeped through the trash ceiling somehow.<<else>>Orange fluid condenses and drips from the garbage ceiling.<<endif>>\n\n[[Return|delve]]
<<set $cash = $cash + 50000>><<set $vase eq 0>>SMASH\n\n//The vase shatters. After a few seconds the shards flash and disappear. $50,000 pops out.//\n\n<<display "cash">><<set $vase = 1>>\n\nMany a capitalist made their start by smashing up random objects.\n\n[[Back|trash2]]
Weapon Chef's grill chest flares occasionally with gouts of blue-red fire. Its iron face swivels and chants:\n\nFILL MY CHEST WITH THINGS THAT KILL\nAND I'LL COOK YOU CASH ON MY MAGIC GRILL\n\n[[Leave this place|hub]]\n\n<<if $weapon eq 1>>[[Hand over weapon|grill]]<<endif>>
//Your legs squeeze together as the jagged nurse stands next to your avatar making a vague gesture over and over again.\n\nYour avatar shivers. Their emotion bubble contains a question mark and tears. What [[next]]?//
CAR: Watch out for mysterious "car". Haunts cities at all hours. Known for its mournful, ferocious "beep".\n\nCOP: Cops will protect you.\n\nTANGLETWEEPS: Kill them with a double jump. They are harmless.\n\nSKELEGROANS: Strong in packs. Catch them alone when sleeping or at breakfast with spouse and children then tap x to kill them. \n\nCORPORATE SECURITY GUARD (EXOSKELETON): Do not attempt to face without at least 10 points in hacking. Conventional weapons are useless against their augmented exoskeletons.\n\nCORPORATE SECURITY GUARD (NON-EXOSKELETON): These are basically a joke.\n\nTEAR ELEMENTAL: Can only be summoned by the most powerful (saddest) lachrymancers. \n\nAERO-CENTIPEDE: When a corporation of power **** or greater is destroyed, its consciousness is uploaded to the dormant aero-centipede in its roots. This centipede flies until it finds a safe place to regenerate.\n\nBEACH BEE: If you keep getting stung, ask yourself, where is beach bee's hive? Destroy it and Beach Bee will become sad.\n\nTRASH BEES: Unlike the independent free market beach bee, trash bees believe in communism and as such pool their resources deep below the earth. Their hives are made from trash and their honey is 90 percent liquid trash and 10 percent liquid trash.\n\nFLAPFLAP: 17 hp. 9 attack speed. 44 intensity. Special attack: Rambunctious.\n\n[[BACK|GUIDE]]
You snag one of the knives.\n\n[[Nice|inv]]<<set $knife = 1>>
BLAM BLAM BLAM\n\nBlood spatters your face! Blood spatters your suit! Blood spatters your tie! Blood spatters your gun!\n\n<<if $challenge eq "EASY">> The Cop's 17th heart explodes! The Cop's 14th heart explodes! The Cop's hind lungs explode!<<else>>The Cop's thigh explodes!<<endif>>\n\nThe Cop screams and [[crashes]] through the window, muscles twitching out of control!
The tear elemental chases you through the exploding halls of PorpCo, glitter pumps spraying their contents as their hulls are breached.\n\nThe corporate fortress's traps are malfunctioning as their circuitry burns up--spike pits opening and shutting like inconstant fissures, laser turrets spraying wildly.\n\n[[Jump across a spike pit|spike]]\n\n[[Lure the elemental in front of a laser turret|turret]]
You come to the trash beach of a garbage sea. A [[gurgull|gurgulll]] eyes you suspiciously. Orange-purple sludge laps at your feet.\n\n[[Trash cans|trash canz]] stick from the sludge like ancient ruins of aluminum.\n\nA [[coracle|a fine coracle]] is on the beach.\n\n[[USE coracle on ocean]]
//You cry most days. You've been crying for years. There is no novelty, no shock, no <<replace "outrage.">>outrage.\n\nIt's just <<replace "weather.">>weather.\n\nShe got the worst of it <<replace "though.">>though.\n\nThe permanent bags under her eyes that would never leave her as long as she lived, purple and <<replace "haunted.">>haunted.\n\n[[The first born.|down]]//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<if $porp eq 1>>The desk contains:<<else>>The desk contains:\n\na [[gun|gundesk]]<<endif>>\n\na [[deskbrain]]\n\n<<if $pass eq 0>>a [[PorpCo Pass]]\n\n[[Back|control room]]<<else>>[[Back|control room]]<<endif>>
The Skelegroans swiftly surround and beat you with their skull sticks and bone-maces. Blood explodes from your head and belly!\n\n//You try to escape but one of them keeps hitting you with its shield and stunning you. You slam the keyboard but nothing happens.//\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "MURDERED BY SKELEGROAN MOB">>
<html><h3>CHARACTER INFO</h3></html>\nNAME: <<print $name>>\n\nSIGNATURE BUSINESS CARD: <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 6)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Liquid Flensed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Brushed<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Laser-Etched<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Biomechanical<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Mottled<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Nano-Woven<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Bleached<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Ivory<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Obsidian<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Gold Leaf<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Denim<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Abalone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Neon<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Sandstone<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Emerald<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Diamond<<endif>> <<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 8)>><<if $rand eq 0>>Chrome<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>Leather<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>Fossil<<endif>><<if $rand eq 3>>Steel<<endif>><<if $rand eq 4>>Eggshell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 5>>Seashell<<endif>><<if $rand eq 6>>Ambergris<<endif>><<if $rand eq 7>>Crystal<<endif>><<if $rand eq 8>>Graphite<<endif>>\n\nGENDER: <<if $gender eq "woman">><<print "WOMAN">><<endif>><<if $gender eq "man">><<print "MAN">><<endif>><<if $gender eq "replicant">><<print "REPLICANT">><<endif>>\n\nDIFFICULTY: <<print $challenge>>\n\n\n[[GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD]]
One of the notorious glittering corporations of the western seawall. Their security is top-notch--tearmoats, crystal beams, hormonal darts...\n\nSo you had your best drones forge a pass using the latest tech. Hope it works.\n\n[[Take pass]]\n\n[[Back|deskinv]]
You bob away on the coracle.\n\nPrismatic trash foam sprays across your bow, which on a coracle is probably its entire circumference.<<if $cop neq 3>> Police cars howl on the shore behind you.<<endif>>\n\nYou don't know where the trash winds will take you, but somehow you don't [[care]].
//You stare impassively at the [[blubbering]] cartoon chest.//
GENTRIFICATION 87% | BOOTSTRAPS 76% | NEOLIBERALISM 99%\n\n[[Excellent|control room]]\n
//This crude pixel window reminds you of your own window. You look over at it for a while, index finger idly tracing the mouse.\n\nYou don't get up, because then you would see the lawn, and beyond the lawn, the houses sprawling endlessly in every direction, a flat, cloned landscape where nothing can surprise.\n\nSitting here on the floor rooted to the monitor by your mouse, there's just blue sky through half-drawn blinds and you can imagine you're floating above <<replace "everything.">>everything.\n\n<<replace "The game screeches.">>//The game screeches.\n\nThe guard throws your avatar inside a [[Cell]].//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
//You have acquired:\n\n1 Gun\n\n1 Vial of Weapons-grade Potassium//\n\n<<if $weapon eq 1>>You drop the weapon you got from the proto-merchants. Too conspicuous for this kind of infiltration.\n\n[[Nice|ride]]<<else>>[[Nice|ride]]<<endif>>
GENDER: MALE\n\nIS THIS CORRECT\n\n[[YES--PROCEED|NAME]]\n\n[[NO--ABORT|GENDER]]\n\n<<set $gender = "man">>
<<if $bugchest eq 1>>The Golden Bug Chest has been looted. A family of tangletweeps has taken up residence inside. They stare at you sleepily, blinking stamens.\n\n[[Back|Insect Zone]]<<endif>><<if $bugchest eq 0>>You kick the chest's unlocking medallion and the zig-zagging runes on the side coruscate with white light. The chest opens to <<replace "reveal...">>reveal...\n\n...a Cat AI!\n\nYou add the Cat AI to your inventory. It meows algorithmically.\n\n[[Back|creak]]<<set $bugchest = 1>><<endreplace>><<endif>>
//Gotta take a piss first.\n\nYou creep out into the [[hall]]. The bathroom door is open.//
//The gun disappears from your avatar. The guard returns to their patrol. You wish you could play as a guard. Their exoskeletons are so cool.\n\nPurple-green. Shiny (a streak of white pixels across their bulbous shoulders). Protected by armor. No one can hurt them.\n\nNo one can hit them.//\n\nThe elevator is up ahead.\n\n[[Elevator|elevator]]\n
//She laughs.\n\n"Cool. Get your million videogame dollars."\n\nHer brow creases suddenly.\n\n"You, uh, wanna do anything? I was going somewhere soon, so maybe we should, hang out or something."\n\n[[I need to beat this game.|beat]]\n\n[[Where you going?|going]]\n\n[[I'm tired...|tired]]//
<<set $embezzle = $embezzle + 1>><<if $embezzle eq 1>>The massive golden machine rumbles as it siphons money from an illegal tap in the money pipes running through the city. Suckers.\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 10000>><<display "cash">>\n\n[[MORE|Embezzlertron]]\n\n[[Back|office]]<<endif>><<if $embezzle eq 2>>The massive golden machine rumbles as it siphons money from an illegal tap in the money pipes running through the city. Suckers.\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 10000>><<display "cash">>\n\n[[MORE|Embezzlertron]]\n\n[[Back|office]]<<endif>><<if $embezzle eq 3>>The massive golden machine rumbles as it siphons money from an illegal tap in the money pipes running through the city. Suckers.\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 10000>><<display "cash">>\n\n[[MORE|Embezzlertron]]\n\n[[Back|office]]<<endif>><<endif>><<if $embezzle eq 4>>A knock on the door.\n\n[[Shit]]<<set $cop = 1>><<endif>><<if $embezzle gt 4>>The machine wheezes but nothing comes out but a green mist of ghostly dollar signs.\n\n[[Back|office]]<<endif>>
<<set $punch = 1>>//Someone <<replace "punches your door">>punches your door and walks down the <<replace "hallway.">>hallway.\n\nThe heavy tread of boots is fading.\n\nYou stay perfectly still as the ridiculous videogame music fills the interval between the hard slam of the door and when your heart slows down <<replace "again.">>again.\n\nYour fingers stir, automatic, unthinking, filling the WASD, thumb on Spacebar, and [[shapes|delve]] on the screen start moving and making sounds.//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
A MERCILESS CAR HAS GROUND YOU UNDER ITS (W)HEEL. YOU ARE DRAGGED FOR MILES AND HAVE. NO SKIN. ONLY EXPOSED BONE. THE ASPHALT GRATES YOU LIKE CHEESE.\n\n[[OH MY GOD|YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "MURDERED BY CAR">>
//Tan pixels spray across the screen in an approximation of dusty wind. The horizon is fringed with <<if $weapon eq 1>>dark<<else>>bright<<endif>> blue, the oasis scrolling endlessly until it seems more like a beautiful inland sea.//\n\nCool wind skims across the oasis, ruffling your hair.\n\n<<if $weapon eq 0>>Proto-merchants have set up tents of bee leather at the foot of an ancient [[statue]] and are hawking their [[wares]].\n\n[[Haggle for weapons]]<<endif>><<if $weapon eq 1>>The proto-merchants are packing their wares in preparation for nightfall. The oasis glows with nocturnal Jelly Critters.<<endif>>\n\nPalm pillars looped with fronds and the occasional sparkling fruit.\n\n[[Collect ivory frond|frond]]\n\n[[Collect obsidian frond|frond]]\n\n[[Collect lucky fruit|fruit]]\n\nCity lies back west.\n\n[[Trudge west|shareware]]<<set $shareware = 1>>
<<replace "You look calmly at the Cop. "Hope you have jurisdiction in Hell."">>"Hope you have jurisdiction in Hell."\n\n<<replace "Your teeth scrape along the barrel of the gun as you feed it into your mouth. You pull the trigger, painting the wall behind you a spectacular shade of brain-blood-skull. Wow what a dripping, messy mess!">>Your teeth scrape along the barrel of the gun as you feed it into your mouth. You pull the trigger, painting the wall behind you a particular shade of brain-blood-skull. Wow what a dripping, messy mess!\n\nThe Cop plants his mouth on your gaping wound hole, tongue flicking down your throat, dragging air up your ruined pipe. Whirling tongue gymnastics and muscular air control techniques form a dazzling respiratory bridge between your throat and your brain. The Cop's saliva and meaty tongue and breath give you horrible life. He carries you back to the Station, rooted to his mouth, sucking up his <<replace "Cop air.">>Cop air.\n\nThey won't let you die.\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "TURNED INTO COP SYMBIOTE">><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 2)>><<if $rand eq 0>>//Why the fuck is this elevator cutscene so long.//<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>//You jump around in the elevator on top of the other passengers. They don't react.//<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>//You nod your head back and forth to the bouncy elevator muzak.//<<endif>>\n\n[[Okay|hub]]
<<if $challenge eq "NORMAL">>\nThe Bee Swarm buzzes threateningly.\n\n[[Back away|down]]<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "HARD">>\n//The Bee Swarm is rushing back and forth erratically but you start to discern a pattern. You dash past the yellow/black cloud of droning pixels, dust animations popping up in your wake.//\n\n[[The Insect Zone is just on the other side|Insect Zone]]<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "NIGHTMARE">>\n//The Bee Swarm attacks!\n\nRed numbers fountain through the air like numericized blood. You desperately hammer the arrow keys but you can't move fast enough and now you're poisoned, palette swapped to green, and--//\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]<<set $gameover = "DESTROYED BY BEE SWARM">><<endif>><<if $challenge eq "EASY">>\n//Little hearts bubble from the bees when you're near but they don't move. You try to jump over them but your jump comes just a few pixels short.//\n\n[[Back away|down]]<<endif>>
[[BESTIARY]]\n\n[[TIPS]]\n\n[[BACK|MAINMENU]]
You bob away on the coracle.\n\nPrismatic trash foam sprays across your bow, which on a coracle is probably its entire circumference.<<if $cop neq 3>> Police cars howl on the shore behind you.<<endif>>\n\nYou don't know where the trash winds will take you, but somehow you don't care.\n\nA [[song]] builds in your heart.\n\n<<set $song = 0>>
You insert the pass into the gate's security slit.\n\n<<replace "Sweat.">>Sweat.\n\n<<replace "Sweat.">>Sweat.\n\nThe gate slides open with a rumble.\n\nYou walk through a sealed glass executive airbridge, high above the tearmoats. Drowned corporate spies litter the grounds, a warning to all who would infiltrate upon PorpCo.\n\nThe glittering [[inner chambers]] beckon.<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
"All I care about is trash!"\n\n//Trash Fish is a blue-green blob of jagged scales. You know Trash Fish because Trash Fish is one of the creatures on the cover of the game box. Hadn't seen it until now though.\n\nYou wonder if all those creatures made it into the game or if some of them are trapped forever in the cover art, never given their own code.//\n\n[[Back|trash2]]\n
//The fortress doesn't actually seem accessible. Just an animated background. Great parallax scrolling on those trash mountains though.//\n\n[[Back|trash1]]\n\n
You stagger through the city. God you stink of sweat you pathetic little toad...\n\nLoudspeakers erected at intervals throb and pulsate, blaring wildly. Soundwaves like jagged black lightning bolts flash through the air.\n\n"THE CRIMINAL IS AMONG US"\n\n"THE CRIMINAL IS AMONG US"\n\n"THE CRIMINAL IS AMONG US"\n\nCop cars bounce over an asphalt hill, slamming down skidding from side to side as huge Cop arms slap at the ground to make their cars go even faster.\n\nThe sewers [[beckon]]...\n\n
addStyle(".passage { opacity:1 !important; } "); function fade(f, c) { if(c.onComplete) { c.onComplete()}}
Weapon Chef tosses the weapon inside its <<replace "chest.">>chest.\n\nWeapon Chef's eyes flash red! Smoke and fire shoots from its <<replace "belly!">>belly!\n\nEXCELLENT CHOICE THIS WEAPON IS PERFECT\nNOW WAIT A SECOND FOR ME TO SERVE IT\n\n[[Wait]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<set $gen = $gen + 1>>\n<<if $gen eq 1>>\nGENERATING SKYSCRAPERS\n<<display "Timer Addon">>\n<<set_timer_mode "display">>\n<<set_timer_param "GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD">>\n\n<<start_timer 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $gen eq 2>>\nIMPLEMENTING JARGON\n<<display "Timer Addon">>\n<<set_timer_mode "display">>\n<<set_timer_param "GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD">>\n\n<<start_timer 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $gen eq 3>>\nSPAWNING SHAREHOLDERS\n<<display "Timer Addon">>\n<<set_timer_mode "display">>\n<<set_timer_param "GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD">>\n\n<<start_timer 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $gen eq 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $gen eq 4>>\nMODULATING CAPITALISM\n<<display "Timer Addon">>\n<<set_timer_mode "display">>\n<<set_timer_param "GENERATE BUSINESS WORLD">>\n\n<<start_timer 2>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $gen eq 5>>\n[[ENTER BUSINESS WORLD|BUSINESS WORLD]]\n<<endif>>
[[Porpentine Educational Computing Consortium|http://slimedaughter.com]]
<<if $shareware eq 0>><<set $code = prompt("INPUT SHAREWARE CODE")>><<if $code neq "3497282">>//The computer beeps angrily.\n\nYou've spent hours trying to get past the shareware border. Maybe they forgot something. A crack in their code. But you can't find it, no matter how much you run along the walls jumping and hoping to pop through to the other side, suddenly free of the oppressive city, free to run through a forbidden world of shifting sands and shimmering water.//\n\nThe beautiful Oasis Zone VI lies just on the other side of the [[city gates|hub]]. Glittering blue water and green frond-pillars.\n\nThe leylines of capitalism are strong in this place and where they run the sand is burnt to glass, black roads of power gleaming with sunlight. Much business has been conducted here.\n\n//The entrance is guarded by a massive shareware sign.//<<else>>The shareware barrier disappears in a shriek of candied static.\n\n//"THANK YOU FOR BUYING A LEGITIMATE COPY OF ULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON III\n\nGAME DEVELOPERS ACROSS THE GLOBE SALUTE YOUR DEDICATION TO FREE COMMERCE"\n\nFirework animations explode from a gold trophy.//\n\nThe beautiful [[Oasis Zone VI|oasis]] lies just on the other side of the [[city gates|hub]]. Glittering blue water and green frond-pillars.\n\nThe leylines of capitalism are strong in this place and where they run the sand is burnt to glass, black roads of power gleaming with sunlight. Much business has been conducted here.<<set $shareware = 1>>\n<<endif>><<else>>The beautiful [[Oasis Zone VI|oasis]] lies just on the other side of the [[city gates|hub]]. Glittering blue water and green frond-pillars.\n\nThe leylines of capitalism are strong in this place and where they run the sand is burnt to glass, black roads of power burning with sun. Much business has been conducted here.<<endif>>
<<if $bugchest eq 0>>The proto-merchants glide toward you in a billow of slime. After some haggling, it would seem you do not have what they desire.\n\nThey are looking for a Bone Wallet, a Cat AI, or a Fire Chip.\n\n[[Back|oasis]]\n<<endif>><<if $bugchest eq 1>>\nThey take your Cat AI and gesture to their wares.\n\n[[Take Armcannon Relic (+2 Armor Penetration, +10 Friendly Fire)|get weapon]]\n\n[[Take Machine Flower (Modes: Poison Ice, Ice Poison)|get weapon]]\n\n[[Take Kitten Gloves (+10 Murder)|get weapon]]\n<<set $weapon eq 1>><<endif>><<if $bugchest eq 3>>\nThey are packing up their wares.<<endif>>
<<set $rand = Math.round(Math.random() * 2)>><<if $rand eq 0>>//Why the fuck is this elevator cutscene so long.//<<endif>><<if $rand eq 1>>//You jump around in the elevator on top of the other passengers. They don't react.//<<endif>><<if $rand eq 2>>//You nod your head back and forth to the bouncy elevator muzak.//<<endif>>\n\n[[Okay|office]]
//You can only see the naked feet of this statue. The rest is offscreen. You jump up and down but the screen doesn't rise enough to show more than a few extra inches of leg (female leg?).\n\nYou feel weird doing this.//\n\n[[Back|oasis]]\n
Even a cityslicker like you can sense the work that went into this coracle, the fine trashbeast leather stretched over hydrant-wood ribbing.\n\n[[Flip it over]]
//You hear your sister's footsteps, that you could never mistake for another, creep down the hall and into the kitchen, where you listen to the scrape of a Spaghettio can being removed from a crowded cabinet full of other cans, and placed in her backpack, then the zip of her backpack, the pause as she ties her shoes, and the soft sound of the backyard screen door closing as she goes around the side to avoid using the big creaky front door, because no one wants to be the focus of attention when the yelling <<replace "stops.">>stops.\n\nYou are a cringing spider and this house is your shitty web. Your senses are fine-tuned to arguments, icy silence, and <<replace "violence.">>violence.\n\nYou stare at the victory screen, green light reflected on your <<replace "glasses.">>glasses.\n\nThrough a sliver in the blinds you watch your sister cross the <<replace "street.">>street.\n\nYou start a [[new game]].//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
Your [[gun]] is in your luxury executive edition desk. Your gun is loaded.\n\nOr you could [[charge the window with your gorgeous executive body and smash through the glass and feel the drapes caress your suited form as you soar to the asphalt below|window]].
A family of crabs is living inside this trash can! The matriarch clacks out a clear message: S T A Y A W A Y F R O M M Y Y O U N G\n\n[[Back|thisaway]]
<<set $cell += 1>>[[Newspaper]] lines the room. Birdseed gets in your toes. The walls are covered in [[scratches]].\n\n<<if $cell lte 4>>[[Wait|Cell]]<<endif>><<if $cell gte 5>>[[Wait|food]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $cell eq 2>>Your stomach growls.<<endif>><<if $cell eq 4>>\nYou pace restlessly.<<endif>>
<<display MAINMENU>><<set $difficulty = 0>><<set $challenge = "NORMAL">><<set $optionsvisited = 0>><html><a title="hits counter" href="http://statcounter.com/"\ntarget="_blank"><img\nsrc="http://c.statcounter.com/9108413/0/0c7a98f8/1/"\nalt="hits counter" style="border:none;"></a></html>
Your bullets ricochet harmlessly off the abalone exoskeleton!\n\nThe guard gyrates wildly, energy projectiles firing from their hips!\n\n//Red pixels spew from your character. The game makes a disappointed squelch and you die.\n\nThat sound always makes you feel...ashamed? Like the game wanted you to win and you let it down?//\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "DESTROYED BY PORPCO SECURITY GUARD">>
You hear an exasperated grunt on the other side of the door. "Problem, prisoner?"\n\n[[THIS IS BIRDSEED|THIS IS BIRDSEED]]\n\n[[Ahem my dear fellow this provender appears to be of the birdseed persuasion|THIS IS BIRDSEED]]\n
You have killed many rival executives with this gun.\n\n[[Back|deskinv]]
//Pixel skeletons and stink lines. Repeating heaps of jagged trash chaos. You carefully navigate your character past gurgling pools of <<replace "toxic slime.">>toxic slime. One hit kill.<<endreplace>>//\n\nGarbage cans rain from the humid cavesky, an endless cascade of banging metal.\n\nThe trash down here is mutated, arcane, hyper-dense.\n\n<<if $punch eq 1>>[[Up|down]]\n\n[[A smog-shrouded fortress to the east|trash1]]\n\n[[Pools of trash bubble to the west|trash2]]\n\n[[Sludge catacombs to the south|thataway]]<<else>>[[Up|move]]\n\n[[A smog-shrouded fortress to the east|move]]\n\n[[Pools of trash bubble to the west|move]]\n\n[[Sludge catacombs to the south|move]]<<endif>>
Cop cars root around the sewer mouth, sniffing and slobbering and struggling to crawl inside.\n\nYou try to remember your knowledge of the undercity...Subterranean Garbage Sea Zone I should be just [[south|thisaway]]...
#timer_text\n{\n display: none;\n color: #000000; /* Jonah */\n color: #BBBBBB; /* Sugarcane */\n font-weight: bold;\n font-size: 28px;\n margin: 10px 0 20px 0;\n}\n\n#timer_canvas\n{\n display: none;\n width: 150px;\n height: 150px;\n}
The skyscraper <<replace "explodes">>explodes.\n\n//You have no idea if you skillfully made it just in time or whether the skyscraper is scripted to explode when you get outside.\n\nYou will <<replace "never know.">>////never know.//\n\nChunks of metal splash into the sea, sending up hissing spray. From the glittering ruins of the skyscraper emerges a spiraling <<replace "aero-centipede.">>aero-centipede.\n\nYou watch it disappear into the <<replace "clouds.">>clouds.\n\nWhatever. PorpCo's day will come.\n\n[[Trek back to City|piss]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<set $porp = 1>>
A family of crabs is living inside this trash can! The matriarch clacks out a clear message: S T A Y A W A Y F R O M M Y Y O U N G\n\n[[Back|Flip it over]]
<<if $porp eq 0>>PORPCO\nStatus: Active\nPower: ****\nProduct: Crystals, estrogen, tears.\nWeakness: Potassium.<<else>>PORPCO\nStatus: Dormant\nPower: ???\nProduct: Crystals, estrogen, tears.\nWeakness: Potassium.<<endif>>\n\nSPIDERCO\nStatus: Chilling\nPower: **\nProduct: Being a bunch of spiders.\nWeakness: None.\n\nPUFFCO\nStatus: ???\nPower: *\nProduct: Puffballs\nWeakness: Squish.\n\n[[Back|control room]]
The turret hits the tear elemental!\n\nThe tear elemental is burning!\n\nThe tear elemental has disintegrated!\n\nYou catch a stray bolt to the <<if $gender eq "replicant">>data core!\n\nYou have lost 1 Major Memory and 3 Minor Memories.\n\n<<else>>kidney!\n\nYou have lost 1 Kidney.<<endif>>\n\n//Smoke and explosion graphics are everywhere. You're having trouble finding your avatar.\n\nThere seems to be some kind of exit at the end of the screen, but you're not sure if that's supposed to be the sky of the outside world or a painting or just a boring wall tile or what.//\n\n[[Rush toward the exit]]
<html><h3>GENDER SELECT</h3></html>\n\n[[MALE]]\n\n[[FEMALE]]\n\n[[REPLICANT]]
A slimy glass box with a trash saint's weird skull inside. Trash gems have been socketed into its forehead, representing their connection to the great trash-mind.\n\nYour grandparents used to believe in trash. Now trash swirls aimlessly through the streets, stepped on, ignored, no temples to shelter their once-sacred forms.\n\n[[Focus, focus...|thataway]]
You take the elevator to the top floor.\n\nVapor drifts through the glittering glass room. Beams of crystal light arc from spire to spire.\n\n//These neon pink-crystal blue environments staring out over futuristic megacity grids and garishly colored oceans stirred something in your child's soul--places that felt like night and rain and future--feelings you would later chase in clubs and raves and bars--but morning light stole that feeling every time.//\n\nYou see the corporate vault to the [[east|inv]].\n\nThe control gem is to the [[north|gem]].
The Nurse exits the room. You wax nostalgic over her angly jangly body and chiseled cheekbones...\n\nThe Cop comes to take you to your [[Cell|atmosphere]].
A thin stream of watery vomit dribbles from the gurgull's bill. This is truly a healthy animal.\n\n[[Back|thisaway]]
You cling to the curtains as the City Street honks and beeps and thronges below you in a brawling, seething rush of cars and crowd. The sky is perfectly blue. Birds flit across the yawing void, black dots like flies or dust.\n\nThe Cop hauls you back inside and takes you back to the [[Station]].\n\nYou are now Attuned to Fabric.\n\n<<set $AttunedCurtains = 1>>
The deskbrain oozes. You feed it some candy from your pocket. Pink lobes close greedily around the candy, swallowing every sweet morsel with a grotesque sucking sound.\n\n[[Back|deskinv]]
You leap over the spike pit!\n\n//"Jump Roll Failed" pops up, barely visible through the soaring flames//\n\nYou fall into the spike pit!\n\nA spike punctures your <<if $gender eq "replicant">>data core!\n\nYou have lost 1 Major Memory and 3 Minor Memories.\n\n<<else>>kidney!\n\nYou have lost 1 Kidney.<<endif>>\n\nYou crawl out of the spike pit!\n\n//Smoke and explosion graphics are everywhere. You're having trouble finding your avatar.\n\nThere seems to be some kind of exit at the end of the screen, but you're not sure if that's supposed to be the sky or a painting or just a boring wall tile or what.//\n\n[[Rush toward the exit]]
Titanic golden pillars ridged with dollar signs.\n\nONE MILLION DOLLARS TO PASS THESE GATES\nWHERE GLORY FAME AND POWER AWAITS\n\n<<if $cash lt 1000000>>A Capitalist Force Field blocks your path, humming greedily.\n\n//It never works, but you always bounce against the green energy a few times, listlessly hoping something will change, that the game's immutable code will have magically slipped like the guts of an analogue machine where a gear can grind down or a pin can break.//\n\n[[Return|hub]]<<else>>The Capitalist Force Field zaps out of existence.\n\n[[Through the gates|onward]]<<endif>>
A thin stream of watery vomit dribbles from the gurgull's bill. This is truly a healthy animal.\n\n[[Back|Flip it over]]
//She's still looking at you.\n\n[[Look away.|mad]]\n\n[[Tap keyboard impatiently.|mad]]\n\n[[Stare at ceiling.|mad]]//
//Your big sister is watching you from the dark of the hallway. When you look back at her, she leans against the doorframe and yawns.\n\n"Still playing? I got bored."\n\n[[It's a good game.|good]]\n\n[[Shut up.|shut up]]\n\n[[I'm trying to get a million dollars.]]//
//but years later we found each other and\n\nyou texted me a <<replace "drawing">>drawing\n\n[img[http://slimedaughter.com/uploads/twine/tycoon/aviary-head.jpg]]\n\n[img[http://slimedaughter.com/uploads/twine/tycoon/aviary-body.jpg]]\n\n"I guess the meaning behind this is that the aviary girl here wants to be 'normal'. She's ripping out her feathers, in symbolism with what makes her unique, killing herself softly, shutting down her connection with the sky, drowning her memories of the view of the churning blending of sky meeting sea."\n\nit's such a good drawing\n\nand we talked for hours after and i was holding the phone thinking what a perfect cool kind empathic genius my little sister had become. i'm so glad you're my [[sister|feathers]]. <3//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<if $porp eq 0>>OBJECTIVE: Destroy PorpCo HQ.\n\nLAYOUT: PorpCo consists of a coastal skyscraper fortress surrounded by deadly traps and elite security.\n\nMETHOD: Weapons-grade potassium inserted into skyscraper's control gem.\n\nAPPROACH: Infiltration using stolen pass.<<set $plans = 1>><<else>>OBJECTIVE: Acquire 1 million dollars.<<endif>>\n\n[[Back|control room]]
The Cop surges into the room, a wall of flowing muscle. You fire wildly into the rippling flood of millipedal biceps. Blood spatters the walls!\n\nThe Cop is still [[approaching]]!
"Teen thugs spray-paint the mayor..."\n\n"Drug addicts are breaking into people???s homes and polishing their library cards to a lustrous finish..."\n\n"Animals demand food..."\n\nHeadlines bleak as always. You shake your head at this fallen world.\n\n[[Sigh.|FLAPFLAP?]]<<set $cell1 = $cell1 - 1>>
History.prototype.originalDisplay = History.prototype.display;\n\nHistory.prototype.display = function (title, link, render)\n{\n if ((render != 'quietly') && (render != 'offscreen'))\n removeChildren($('passages'));\n \n this.originalDisplay.apply(this, arguments);\n};\n
the scratches read:\n\nTHIS CELL BELONG TO FLAPFLAP\n\n[[Whatever.|Cell]]<<set $cell -= 1>>
//She looks at <<replace "you.">>you.\n\n"One day you'll wish you spent more time with me."\n\n[[Okay.]]//<<endreplace>>
You chomp the sticky roll.\n\n//The roll disappears and $100,000 appears in the form of a spinning green stack of bills. You run over and collect it before it disappears.//\n\n<<set $weapon = 3>><<set $cash = $cash + 100000>><<display "cash">>\n\n[[Nice|chef]]
the scratches read:\n\nTHIS CELL BELONG TO FLAPFLAP\n\n[[Whatever.|FLAPFLAP?]]<<set $cell1 = $cell1 - 1>>
The gun is in your hand. The Cop slams open the door.\n\n[[*bullet the Cop*]]\n\n[[*bullet yourself*|suicide]]\n\n[[*ram the window with your whole executive body and smash through the glass and feel the drapes caress your suited form as you soar to the asphalt below*|window]]\n
PLEASE TRY OUR OTHER TITLES\n\nULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON\n\nULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON II: TROUBLED WATERS\n\nULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON: DELUXE EDITION\n\nULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON V: THE JURASSIC PERIOD\n\nBEACH BEE: TRIVIA LAS VEGAS\n\nSPECIAL COP\n\nANGRY CYBORG WOMAN SPECIAL AGENT
<<set $name = prompt("INPUT NAME")>><html><h3>NAME INPUT</h3></html>\n\nYOU ENTERED: <<print $name>>\n\nIS THIS CORRECT\n\n[[YES--PROCEED|SETTING]]\n\n[[NO--ABORT|NAME]]
The glittering skyscraper, the oily water, the beach of ground-up deprecated coinage.\n\n[[Shipwrecks]] of failed bank-boats litter the metal sands.\n\nThe PorpCo gate looms.\n\n[[USE PASS ON GATE]]
Sentinel hives buzzing with robo-hornets...\n\nSwarms of neon swamp ants glowing through gaps in the biomechanical floor plating...\n\nSubterranean Insect Zone XII.\n\nBehind some molted cicada-bot skins, you find <<if $bugchest eq 0>><<replace "a mound of bug dirt.">>a Golden Bug Chest!\n\n[[Open Bug Chest|bug chest]]<<endreplace>><<else>>a Golden Bug Chest.\n\n[[Open Bug Chest|bug chest]]<<endif>>\n\n[[Back through the Bee Gate|down]]
Running through the crumbling crashing skyscraper as statues tumble and chandeliers explode.\n\n//Something weird up ahead. An enemy? The graphics are ambiguous. You move [[closer|weep enemy]], spurred on by rhythmically falling pieces of ceiling. You wonder if the ceiling would crumble forever if you stood here.//
Developed by the [[Porpentine Educational Computing Consortium|http://slimedaughter.com]]\n\nAwarded 2nd Best Edutainment Developer of 1995 by the Alcoa Agricultural Society of Tennessee\n\nTester:\n[[Lily Zone|http://cicadamarionette.com/]]\n\nSpecial Thanks to:\nThe Alcoa High School goth club for babysitting the kids of our many talented developers when we were working those late night "crunch" times to ship the very product you see today!\n\n[[BACK|MAINMENU]]\n
//The vase description says "A clay vase from the pre-disaster era, ornamented with bands of green mica." It sparkles. Does clay sparkle? Guess all precious things in this game sparkle.//\n\nA precious vase poking up from the garbage.\n\n[[Smash vase]]\n\n[[Back|trash2]]
PLEASE ENJOY THIS TASTY TREAT\nOH SO SOUR OH SO SWEET\n\nAn Amber Gooeeeeeeey Bun pops out!\n\n[[Eat Amber Gooeeeeeeey Bun|eat]]
You want to gag yourself with the curtains and hold yourself hostage. You want to wear the curtains as lingerie. You want to sell them for scrap metal and cigarettes. You want to live.\n\nSuccumb to the dreadful impulse to [[live]], or free yourself through [[death]]?
The estrogen barrels hiss with cool heat, filling the room with eery blue light. Your chest itches.\n\n[[Back|inv]]
All the wealth of PorpCo is inside this vault--various robo-chests, barrels, and crates bathed in blue light.\n\nYou see:\n\n[[J-Chest-9]]\n[[K-Chest-10]]\n[[L-Chest-11]]\n[[100 barrels of weaponized estrogen|estrogen]]\n[[500 safety knives]]\n\n[[Back|elevator]]
//You have $<<print $cash>>! Congratulations!
The tear elemental flows across the floor, moaning pitifully.\n\n[[Run]]\n\n<<if $knife eq 1>>[[Wield safety knife]]<<endif>>
<html><h1>ULTRA BUSINESS TYCOON III</h1></html>\n\n[[NEW GAME|START]]\n\n[[LOAD GAME]]\n\n[[OPTIONS]]\n\n[[GUIDE]]\n\n[[CREDITS]]\n\n[[QUIT]]<<silently>><<set $gender = "none">>\n<<set $gen = 0>>\n\n<<set $cash = 20000>>\n<<set $plans = 0>>\n<<set $pass = 0>>\n<<set $bugchest = 0>>\n<<set $chest1 = 0>>\n<<set $chest2 = 0>>\n<<set $embezzle = 0>>\n<<set $skel = 0>>\n<<set $vase = 0>>\n<<set $shareware = 0>>\n<<set $weapon = 0>>\n<<set $cell = 0>>\n<<set $cell1 = 0>>\n<<set $vaulted = 0>>\n<<set $knife = 0>>\n<<set $porp = 0>>\n<<set $punch = 0>>\n<<set $trash_end = 0>>\n<<set $prison_end = 0>>\n<<set $decompose = 0>>\n<<set $cop = 0>>\n\n<<if $optionsvisited eq 1>>\n<<set $difficulty = $difficulty - 1>>\n<<set $optionsvisited = 0>>\n<<endif>><<endsilently>>
You snag the pass. Fancy shit, all holographic.\n\n[[Cool|deskinv]]<<set $pass = 1>>
<<replace "You are struck down for this desecration!">>You are struck down for this desecration!\n\n<<replace "Your body becomes trash! Rotten egg yolk and rancid fat bubbles from your body!">>Your body becomes trash! Rotten egg yolk and rancid fat bubbles from your body!\n\n<<replace "You become part of the trashscape.">>You become part of the trashscape.\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "TURNED INTO TRASH FOR YOUR DESECRATION">><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
Venerable sludge monks embalmed in garbage line the rows of this ancient and sacred place. Up ahead you spot a reliquary enshrining a [[trash saint]].\n\n[[Pray]]\n\n[[Desecrate]]\n\n[[Back|delve]]
//Your door creaks.\n\n[[Jerk your head around|sister]]//
[<<print $name>>'s Resume]\n\nJUMP *\nSWIM *\n\nRANGED WEAPONS ***\nMELEE WEAPONS *\n\nHIRING **\nFIRING ****\n\nCORPORATE DUELING ETIQUETTE (KATANA) *\nCORPORATE DUELING ETIQUETTE (VIRTUAL SIM) **\nCORPORATE DUELING ETIQUETTE (HIGHWAY) ****\n\n[[Back|hub]]
//You stare at the screen as your hunger bar slowly depletes.//\n\nYou starve to death.\n\n[[YOU ARE DEAD]]\n<<set $gameover = "STARVED TO DEATH BECAUSE YOU WERE FED BIRDSEED">><<set $prison_end = 1>><<if $trash_end eq 1>><<set $decompose = 1>><<endif>>
<<set $difficulty = $difficulty + 1>><<if $difficulty eq 5>><<set $difficulty = 1>><<endif>>[[DIFFICULTY|OPTIONS]]\n<<if $difficulty eq 1>><<set $challenge = "NORMAL">>EASY\n''[NORMAL]''\nHARD\nNIGHTMARE\n<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 2>><<set $challenge = "HARD">>EASY\nNORMAL\n''[HARD]''\nNIGHTMARE<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 3>><<set $challenge = "NIGHTMARE">>EASY\nNORMAL\nHARD\n''[NIGHTMARE]''<<endif>><<if $difficulty eq 4>><<set $challenge = "EASY">>''[EASY]''\nNORMAL\nHARD\nNIGHTMARE<<endif>>\n\n<<if $challenge eq "NORMAL">>Enemies have regular HP. Bee AI set to Realistic.<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "HARD">>Enemies have 1.5x HP. Bee AI set to Erratic.<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "NIGHTMARE">>Enemies have 2x HP. Bee AI set to Hell Mode. <<endif>><<if $challenge eq "EASY">>Enemies have 1/2 HP. Bee AI set to Nice.<<endif>>\n\n[[BACK|MAINMENU]]\n<<set $optionsvisited = 1>>
The Cop barges through the door, squeezing its muscular form through the narrow doorframe.\n\nThe Cop flexes to form a temporary face of musculature (a diplomatic technique taught to most Cops except for desk jockies who don't need to mingle with the public). Chemicals glisten from the throbbing, amorphous wall of muscle.\n\nYou learned Muscle in college. You understand the flex lingo and get the idea that you better come down to the [[Station]] or risk making a [[scene]].
//but i never thought i'd see you [[again|you]].//
//The weapon bounces into your inventory with a satisfying sound that loosens the knot of your spine.\n\nPling.//\n\n[[Back|oasis]]\n<<set $weapon = 1>>
//for the ones i left behind\n\ni didn't forget about [[you|again]]//
You enter the Control Room.\n\nShareholders burble in their vats as the leeching fluid extracts Invisible Hand orgones from their rich creamy skin.\n\nEnormous bootstraps spin like great looms as they generate endless money with their magical leather friction.\n\nA holoscreen displays the plans you drew up last night along with vital [[City stats]].\n\nYour desk follows you obediently, kneeling on its human legs to present itself for your pleasure. Good desk.\n\nWeapons-grade potassium is stacked in the corner.\n\n[[Check desk contents|deskinv]]\n\n[[Check latest news on rivals|rivals]]\n\n[[Check holoscreen plans|holo]]\n\n<<if $porp eq 0>><<if ($plans eq 1) and ($pass eq 1)>>[[Head to PorpCo|get]]\n\n[[Return to office|office]]<<else>>[[Return to office|office]]<<endif>><<else>>[[Return to office|office]]<<endif>>\n\n
//You gaze at the top of the screen. $<<print $cash>>. <<if $cash eq 1000000>>Holy fuck you've never had this much before now you can go through the MAMMON GATES holy fuck!<<else>>Still not enough.<<endif>> <<if $weapon eq 1>>At least you have a weapon now.<<endif>>\n\nYou wonder if you need to change the [[difficulty|DIFFICULTY]]. Intermittently you check your [[stats|STATS]].\n//\n\nThe [[Mammon Gates|north]] frame the sky to the north.\n\nYour [[corporate fortress skyscraper|elevator up]] looms behind you. The restaurant district shakes with the bellows of [[Weapon Chef|chef]].\n\n[[Oasis Zone VI|shareware]] lies east, just beyond the city walls. If you travel downward through the Landfill Catacombs you will reach [[Subterranean Trash Zone II|down]] (you feel [[weird|about zone]] about that place).\n\n<<if $cop eq 3>>The Cop's massive body <<if ($trash_end neq 1) and ($prison_end neq 1)>>has smashed open the street, exposing an entrance to [[the Trash Beach|thisaway]]. More Cops are streaming from the [[Station|mistook]] to gaze on it in horror.<<endif>><<if $decompose eq 1>>is decomposing in a pool of shattered, bloody glass.<<else>><<if $prison_end eq 1>>has smashed open the street, exposing an entrance to [[the Trash Beach|thisaway]].<<endif>><<if $trash_end eq 1>>is being gazed at by horrified Cops streaming from the [[Station|mistook]].<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>\n<<silently>><<if $optionsvisited eq 1>>\n<<set $difficulty = $difficulty - 1>>\n<<set $optionsvisited = 0>>\n<<endif>><<endsilently>>
//You piss and scurry back to the [[computer|control room]].//
Across the merchant's table you see many weapons...\n\n...the salvaged armcannon from a security mech (in the faded gold and blue colors of an extinct corporation), a machine flower that can spray poison ice (probably from Meadow Death Zone I), and what appear to be kitten-shaped punching gloves stained with blood.\n\n[[Back|oasis]]
<<set $cell1 = $cell1 + 1>><<if $cell1 lte 1>>They walk away.\n\n[[Newspaper|Newzpaper]] lines the room. Birdseed in your toes. Walls covered in [[scratches|scratchez]].<<else>>[[Newspaper|Newzpaper]] lines the room. Birdseed in your toes. Walls covered in [[scratches|scratchez]].<<endif>>\n\nPlate of birdseed. Gross.\n\n<<if $cell1 lte 4>>[[Wait|FLAPFLAP?]]<<endif>><<if $cell1 gte 5>>[[Wait|bangin]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $cell1 eq 2>>//You take off your glasses and rub the bridge of your nose. Your head hurts.\n\nYou wake up in the morning and turn on your computer and at the end of the day you turn it off and go to sleep. Your head hurts.\n\nYour head hurts.//<<endif>><<if $cell1 eq 4>>Your avatar weeps and knocks the plate of birdseed aside.<<endif>>
<<if $gutchest eq 1>>The Gut Chest pukes up a thin stream of vomit. The vomit cannot be monetized.<<else>>You slap the Gut Chest and it pukes out $100,000. You insert the slimy cash into your wallet.<<set $cash = $cash + 100000>>\n\n<<display "cash">><<set $gutchest = 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[Back|trash1]]
Your clothes shred to 137 pieces! The Cop's uniform shreds to 23,532 pieces! The Station curtains resist!\n\nYou are no longer arrested. You are now [[Fleeing]].
<<set $cop = 3>><<set $whew = $whew + 1>><<if $whew eq 1>>You return to your desk and put the gun back in the [[drawer|whew]].<<endif>><<if $whew eq 2>>\nYou return to your desk and put the gun back in the drawer.\n\nFrom the street you hear the beautiful sound of money fluttering like paper doves from the disintegrating corpse of the cop. The money swirls through the window and dances inside your [[wallet|whew]].<<endif>><<if $whew eq 3>>\nYou return to your desk and put the gun back in the drawer.\n\nFrom the street you hear the beautiful sound of money fluttering like paper doves from the disintegrating corpse of the cop. The money swirls through the window and dances inside your wallet.\n\nYour retinal implants turn your irises to dollar signs for a few moments. Score! Kaching! [[Kachow!|whew]].\n<<endif>><<if $whew eq 4>>\nYou return to your desk and put the gun back in the drawer.\n\nFrom the street you hear the beautiful sound of money fluttering like paper doves from the disintegrating corpse of the cop. The money swirls through the window and dances inside your wallet.\n\nYour retinal implants turn your irises to dollar signs. Score! Kaching! Kachow!\n\nBack in [[business!|office]]\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 100000>><<display "cash">><<endif>>
Even a cityslicker like you can sense the work that went into this coracle, the fine trashbeast leather stretched over hydrant-wood ribbing.\n\n[[Slap it affectionately|Flip it over]]
//The Bio-Gem explodes, pixels spraying across the screen in frenzied depiction of what, presumably, a flesh gem looks like when it explodes--shimmering bright glints of pink blue purple red--\n\nThe dialogue box pops up: "!!!"\n\nBut you don't hit Spacebar, because this way the animation loops forever and you can watch the pixels stream until they're just beautiful noise, a digital fireplace, magical perma-violence, gorgeous, endless entropy--\n\n[[Hit Spacebar]]//
In times of stress your heightened tycoon senses will allow a mystical "world-soul-fusion" to common materials!\n\nLow Tier: Wood, Plastic, Fake Grass, Mundane Cardboard\nMid Tier: Glass, Fabric, Blessed Cardboard\nHigh Tier: Gold, Porcelain, Fur, GemWall\n\n\nSave up 1 Million Dollars to win the game!\n\n\nDrink lots of water!\n\n\n[[BACK|GUIDE]]
\n\n\nhtml{background-color:#1E2D37;!important} \n#floater {visibility:hidden;background-color:; !important}\n \nh2{color:black; font-size:48px; !important}\n\nh1{font-family: 'Open Sans'!important; ;color:orange;font-weight:bold;text-shadow: 6px 4px #1E2D37;}\n\n\n.toolbar a{visibility:hidden;}\n\n\n\n.body{font-size:22px; color:white;!important;=font-family:'Open Sans';}\n\n\na.internalLink,a.externalLink,a.back,a.return{color:#E6B677;font-weight:bold;text-decoration:none;text-align:left;font-size:120%}\n\na.internalLink:hover,a.externalLink:hover,a.back:hover,a.return:hover{color:orange;text-decoration:none;text-align:left;}\n\n#footer{visibility:hidden;}\n\n.title {visibility:hidden; !important;}\n\n#storyAuthor {visibility:hidden; margin:0em; !important}\n\n#storyTitle {visibility:hidden;color:#8F979C; margin-bottom:0em; !important;}\n\nh3 {margin-bottom:0em; !important}\n\n\n@media screen and (max-width: 960px) {\n body { font-size: 50%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 840px) {\n body { font-size: 40%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 720px) {\n body { \n font-size: 30%;\n }\n}\n\n.passage {background-color:#517894;-moz-border-radius: 25px;\nborder-radius: 25px;border-width:6px;border-color:white;font-family:'Open Sans'!important;padding:30px; !important;line-height:175%; padding-top:10px; margin-top:0px;\n}\n\n\n\n\nbody {color:white;background-color:#1E2D37;font-size:80%;padding-bottom:50px;padding-top:0px!important;font-family:'Open Sans';}\n\nem {color:#04243A;}\n\n\n\n#content2 {background-color:#1E2D37 !important;}\n\n#passages {\n border-left: 0;\n margin: 0;\n padding: 0;\n line-height:100vh;\n}\n\nimg { display: block;\n margin-left: auto;\n margin-right: auto }
The Cop lashes out with tendrils, draining energy from its environment. Bystanders, dogs, cars, fire hydrants, garbage--all consumed in hungry peristalsistic gulps. The Cop is reforming! The Cop is at 80 percent!\n\nSurrender and go down to the [[Station]]?\n\nOr keep [[fanning that hammer]]
"I used to store money and weapons. Now I store nothing but my own [[tears]]."\n\nThe robo-chest sinks further into the muck with a moan.\n\n[[Back|down]]
//Your big sister's save file. Best not to fuck with it.//\n\n[[...|LOAD GAME]]\n
<<if $challenge eq "EASY">>You look down into the City below. The [[Cop|whew]] is lying in a pool of red blood and white muscle fluid. You suddenly crave an Italian dish with both red and white sauce. You wonder if that's a taboo.<<else>>You look down into the City below. The [[Cop]] is lying in a pool of red blood and white muscle fluid. You suddenly crave an Italian dish with both red and white sauce. You wonder if that's a taboo.<<endif>><<set $whew = 0>>
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[[CUSTOM CHARACTER|GENDER]]\n\n[[RANDOMLY GENERATED|NEW GAME 2]]
What the [[hell]]?
You jump fruitlessly.\n\n//Just another reminder of your terrible Jump stat.//\n\n[[Back|oasis]]
//"Remember how mad you'd get at that one game? For the N64? How I helped you get past those parts?"\n\n[[Sure.|time]]//
GENDER: FEMALE\n\nIS THIS CORRECT\n\n[[YES--PROCEED|NAME]]\n\n[[NO--ABORT|GENDER]]\n\n<<set $gender = "woman">>
You mutter, "The last time I saw something with this many holes was when I was playing golf!"\n\nBLAM BLAM BLAM\n\nBlood spatters the carpet! Blood spatters the rhododendron calender! Blood spatters your shoes!\n\nThe Cop surges around the room in a circular path, spiraling closer and [[closer]]!
<<if $chest2 eq 0>>This obsidian manilla chest contains $500,000.\n\n<<set $cash = $cash + 500000>><<set $vaulted += 1>>\n<<display "cash">><<set $chest2 = 1>>\n<<else>>This chest is empty.<<endif>>\n\n[[Back|inv]]\n\n
<<silently>>\n<<set $TimerAddon = \nfunction()\n{\n var div_timer_container = document.createElement('div');\n div_timer_container.setAttribute('id', 'timer');\n\n var div_timer_canvas = document.createElement('canvas');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('id', 'timer_canvas');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('width', '0');\n div_timer_canvas.setAttribute('height', '0');\n div_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n div_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_canvas);\n \n var div_timer_text = document.createElement('span');\n div_timer_text.setAttribute('id', 'timer_text');\n div_timer_text.innerHTML = "";\n div_timer_container.appendChild(div_timer_text);\n\n var Timer_Active = false;\n var Timer_Paused = false;\n var Timer_Mode = 'none';\n var Timer_Param = "";\n var Timer_Max = 0;\n var Timer_Now = 0;\n \n var div_jonah_floater = document.getElementById('floater');\n if(div_jonah_floater) div_jonah_floater.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n var div_sugarcane_menu = document.getElementById('sidebar');\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) div_sugarcane_menu.appendChild(div_timer_container);\n\n function StartTimer(val)\n {\n Timer_Active = true;\n Timer_Paused = false;\n Timer_Max = val;\n Timer_Now = val;\n div_timer_text.style.display = 'block';\n div_timer_canvas.style.display = 'block';\n }\n\n function StopTimer()\n {\n Timer_Active = false;\n div_timer_text.style.display = 'none';\n div_timer_canvas.style.display = 'none';\n }\n\n function PauseTimer()\n {\n Timer_Paused = true;\n }\n\n function ResumeTimer()\n {\n Timer_Paused = false;\n }\n\n function SetTimerText(text)\n {\n div_timer_text.innerHTML = text;\n }\n\n function SetTimerMode(mode)\n {\n if(mode == 'display')\n {\n Timer_Mode = 'display';\n }\n else if(mode == 'restart')\n {\n Timer_Mode = 'restart';\n }\n else Timer_Mode = 'none';\n }\n\n function SetTimerParam(param)\n {\n Timer_Param = param;\n }\n\n function OnTimerEnd()\n {\n StopTimer();\n if(Timer_Mode == 'restart')\n {\n state.restart();\n if(Timer_Param) alert(Timer_Param);\n window.location.reload(true);\n \n } \n else if(Timer_Mode == 'display')\n {\n state.display(Timer_Param[0]);\n }\n }\n\n function OnTimerTick()\n {\n if(Timer_Active && !Timer_Paused)\n {\n Timer_Now = Timer_Now - 0.2;\n\n if(Timer_Now <= 0) Timer_Now = 0;\n \n var context = div_timer_canvas.getContext("2d");\n div_timer_canvas.width = div_timer_canvas.width;\n\n var x = div_timer_canvas.width / 2;\n var y = div_timer_canvas.height / 2;\n var radius = 1;\n var startAngle = 1.5 * Math.PI;\n \n var endAngle = (1.5 + (2 / Timer_Max * Timer_Now)) * Math.PI;\n var counterClockwise = false;\n\n context.beginPath();\n context.arc(x, y, radius, startAngle, endAngle, counterClockwise);\n context.lineWidth = 15;\n if(div_jonah_floater) context.strokeStyle = "#FF00FF";\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) context.strokeStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n context.stroke();\n\n context.font = 'bold 30px sans-serif';\n if(div_jonah_floater) context.fillStyle = "#FF00FF";\n if(div_sugarcane_menu) context.fillStyle = "#BBBBBB";\n context.fillText(Timer_Now.toFixed(1), 55, 85);\n\n if(Timer_Now <= 0) OnTimerEnd();\n }\n }\n\n setInterval(function(){ OnTimerTick(); }, 100); \n\n macros['start_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n StartTimer(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['stop_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n StopTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['pause_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n PauseTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['resume_timer'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n ResumeTimer();\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_text'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerText(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_mode'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerMode(val);\n }\n }\n\n macros['set_timer_param'] =\n {\n handler: function(obj, fnc, val)\n {\n SetTimerParam(val);\n }\n }\n\n}\n>>\n<<print $TimerAddon()>>\n<<endsilently>>
//You start to [[move|punch]] in that direction and--//
//You run around the room but can't find anything. Is there some command you don't know about? Nothing seems to work.//\n\n[[Search|prison]]\n
Valuable find, but you'd need some kind of vehicle to haul it up. You caress the scored leather with regret.\n\n[[Back|down]]
You grab a handful of bullets and cram them into the gun, wedging them into every crack and crevice.\n\nBLAM BLAM BLAM\n\nBlood spatters the desk! Blood spatters the potted cactus! Blood spatters the computer!\n\n<<if $challenge eq "EASY">>The Cop's 27th heart explodes!<<endif>><<if $challenge eq "NIGHTMARE">>The Cop sprays you with poison! The Cop eats your trophies!<<endif>><<if ($challenge neq "EASY") and ($challenge neq "NIGHTMARE")>>The Cop knocks over your diploma! The Cop knocks over your trophies! The Cop is undermining your social standing!<<endif>>\n\nThe Cop is dripping blood and muscle fluid! The Cop is roaring! The Cop keeps [[coming]]!
You shiver as skeletal financiers creep-clack from their ruined sea-palaces of financial failure and silently regard you. Do they wish to warn you, or do they simply hunger for the aura of money that clings to your ripe, healthy body?\n\nThey do not move, even when the beach bees come to spin webs of honey in their ribcages.\n\n[[Turn away from this ghastly sight|ride]]\n
You pull out the safety knife and <<replace "point it at the tear elemental.">>point it at the tear elemental.\n\nThe blade retracts. A soothing voice says, "For your safety."\n\nYou are holding a <<replace "handle.">>handle.\n\nThe tear elemental splashes closer!\n\n[[Run]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
\n[[kelly - 67:28 - Frozen Church Zone IV]]\n\nSAVE SLOT 2\n\nSAVE SLOT 3\n\n[[BACK|MAINMENU]]
//"I...really liked spending that time with you."\n\n[[Okay.|i forgot her anyways]]//\n
//She fidgets, then crosses the room and grabs her backpack.\n\nShe throws some stuff inside and turns to leave. Her blue-grey eyes linger on every contour of your <<replace "face.">>face.\n\nShe <<replace "starts to say something.">>looks away.\n\nShe goes out into the hall and the bathroom door shuts and you hear the shower start.\n\n[[Turn back to game|Insect Zone]]//<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
//A cute skull full of worms on a green background.//\n\nSkelegroans rule the roost. Before that, Pufflings, and before that, Gust Hounds. An endless cycle. If they ever set aside their differences, the surface world is in big trouble.\n\n[[Back|trash1]]
You bounce off the pavement. Your skull shatters! Your ribcage shatters! Your left little toe explodes!\n\nA car is coming!\n\nClick [[here]] to die.\n\n
The door wobbles as knocks rampage through the woods pores. KNOCK KNOCK. KNOCK KNOCK.\n\n"[[Come in!]]"\n\n[[*silently open the drawer to your desk and cock the handgun inside*]]\n\n<<set $AttunedGlass = 0>><<set $AttunedCurtains = 0>>